Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
