Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
