Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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