addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize