So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
