with your own penis?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
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then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
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It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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