I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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