I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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