I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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