I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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