3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
