And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
