There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
