There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
