Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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