She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
