So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
