Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
