i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
