Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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