I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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