so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
