I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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