so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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