In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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