It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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