M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
