What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
