Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
