Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
