'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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