Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
