Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
