shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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