so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
