i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
