so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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