drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
