i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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