I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize