I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
