The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They took my balls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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