So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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