So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
