I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize