can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
