FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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