No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
