I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
