I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
