I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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