Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
