my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
