Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
