As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
