So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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