I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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