dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
