I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
