I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize