You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
