i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
