I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
