Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You've changed since you got that strap on
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
