I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
