He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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