He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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