I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
