I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
