I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Vodka?
Forever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
