We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
