i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
