Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
