Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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