Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
