chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
