remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
