In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
