I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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