Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
