Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
